I feel pain in muscles I didn’t even know I had. I’ve taken double dose of pain killers in 12hrs. My next-door housemate said she could’ve sworn she heard me groaning last night while I was asleep. Yes that may be true but nevertheless I am a happy and satisfied woman. I didn’t let the challenges before me keep me on ground level. I stood up to the taunts! Yes I’m a lagos girl and battling traffic or wearing killer heels is the most physical exertion I get on a day to day basis but despite the name-calling, I showed them this so called ajebutter had spunk.
Yeah I groaned and complained all through but who wouldn’t have in my position. I broke a nail and I bled my own blood and my skin got its share of bruises! Do I regret ever going? Nope. Would I repeat the experience? Never!
Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how I ended up doing the Akure/Osun version of Gulder Ultimate search and you can judge if I was in my right mind or not.
I’ve always wanted to go visit the waterfalls. Ever since I saw a picture of my friend dancing in bra and pant with reckless abandon in a river beside a beautiful waterfall. What liberation! What fun! Obviously since being deprived as a kid, dancing naked in the rain has become an almost-obsession. I’m great at organizing stuff, guess it’s the choleric in me and I’ll only concede to second place in favor of my friend T, we call her da-fixer! Anyway in a few days I’d organised the trip down to transportation and the guest list but as the day drew near the guest list increased till we were forced to abandon the communal eating plan and adopt an everyman for himself, God for us all plan!
The first problem encountered was getting me a pair of shorts and a tee shirt that were not scandalous and wouldn’t cause a heart attack when the water made them cling seductively. All the girls had decided that since the guest list had become infinite, bikinis were out of the picture. I was secretly glad cos the thought of exposing my work-in-progress tummy to the world was against all my grandmother used to say about putting your best foot forward at all times.
The day finally came and off we went after a couple of inevitable delays which were to be expected considering the effort it took to gather women from various locations and get them ready on time.
We got a little lost but were back on track in no time. Our four car convoy was uninterrupted by the mobile police on the road and apart from a couple of tankers whose hung-over drivers tried to run us off the road, we arrived the land of Ijesha without incident.
The entrance to the Erin-Ijesha waterfalls had a statue meant to depict the waterfalls and the guys found it really funny. A couple of them thought it looked like multiple breasts while the remainder thought it looked like a d**k in the process of cumming. Yeah yeah boys no matter their ages enjoy dirty jokes from time to time especially when the girls looked shocked and utterly scandalized. Needless to say we took loads of pictures beside the statue.
A lot of us had to buy overpriced dunlop slippers cos the natives warned that our elaborate foot wear would be hazardous to our climb and then we all took turns changing in my friend D’s truck cos the only other option was an uncompleted building which would’ve had our boobs in plain view.
Getting to the waterfalls was literally an uphill task. We were all panting by the time we got to the first waterfall. The water looked brown but the sight was beautiful. There were barely clad people jumping around in the river and a community of hawkers who even had an ‘I pass my neighbor generator’ which they used to power printers so you could have a kodak memory. No wonder the place has a ‘no camera’ policy!
We played in the water like little kids splashing and shouting and standing and sitting then as is usual with guys they got bored and decided we should all go to the second waterfall.
My first inclination that this was a bad idea came after I injured my toe on one of the rough hewn rocks under water, we were all bare-footed and an accident of the sort was inevitable but as my blood laced the water and I groaned in words only a Lagos girl could understand, all my senses kept screaming that I stay put and not follow the crowd!
I’d always known I was scared of heights but when I saw the treacherous mountain I and my comrades would have to climb with no decent path in sight I panicked. I won’t bore you by repeating all the psalms I said as I climbed up the mountain but I must congratulate myself on my in-depth knowledge of the scriptures, you’d be surprised how many bible verses come to mind in the face of death or at best in the face of total paralysis from neck down or even a cracked skull if one happens to fall. Yes, regrettably despite my inward faith and outward courage I couldn’t get thoughts of me lying on the ground dead or mortally wounded out of my mind. My mind painted different scenarios and if you’ve never gone up that steep mountain, you have no idea what it means to look death in the face! And they dare call it a tourist attraction. Tsk Tsk!!! It was a quest for survival and chick like me, I must’ve looked a sight clawing on the rocks and using my hands, feet and buttocks as leverage. Thankfully everyone was hanging on for dear life and it never crossed any fool-hardy mind to take pictures.
The second waterfall was so worth risking my life for. I couldn’t stop marvelling at how wonderful planet earth actually was. It was beautiful, serene and turbulent all at once, like a hot chick with drama! We played, we swam, we took pictures and our cameras got properly baptized! Some never recovered. Soon we got bored and the boys again suggested we find the third waterfall. Now history has it that there are seven waterfalls in Erin-Ijesha, I say history cos we never did get farther than the third save for Batman and Robin, two die hard members of our group and they brought back the fabled moi-moi leaves as proof! The first three waterfalls are said to be in Osun state while the last four are in Ekiti state. My friend S calls it travelling by rock! It takes about three hours of climbing to get from the first waterfall to the seventh. There’s supposed to be a bearded lady that some people have sworn they saw along the path of the mountains and some parts of Erin-Ijesha are said to be sacred.
Many prayers and bruises later we got close enough to the third waterfall but the path to it was just too steep and only Batman and Robin actually got to the water.
We began our descent and were all thankful we had bums cause they were are main mode of transportation down the rocky mountains.
Soon it was time to go.
I’d hoped to end it by saying we got home in record time but we were stuck in traffic for almost three hours and when we got home, leaving the car became a great task as the effects of our afternoon wore down on us. We were groaning in pain and with as little words as were necessary said our goodbyes and crawled to bed though it wasn’t yet 7pm.
Big ups to my friend H who had to drive his manual car, powerfully steering it through traffic and seemed the worse hit after our journey. He couldn’t decide if climbing the rocks in Erin-Ijesha had done him in or if it was having to step hard on the clutch for three hours in mad akure traffic.
So there you have it… My version of the story. Anyone who thinks I was a whiny child while rock climbing should go and chop sand!!!
Have a wonderful day peeps, thank God it’s friday, peppersoup awaits! 😉 xoxo