It’s raining now, the skies are dark, the weather’s cool and lightning streaks the dark clouds like a patterned gypsy skirt. The rains have always been a blessing and a curse. Growing up, rainy days were exciting days, we were banned from dancing in the rain and instead made to sit in class and sing; ‘Rain rain go away, come again another day, l’il Kome wants to play’ but I figured it was Mrs S my primary school teacher who wanted to play, she absolutely hated the rain, her car wouldn’t start, she’d often be heard grumbling to the other teachers about the mad-traffic and floods and once she panicked when the rain started suddenly cos she’d forgotten to shut the windows at home. Yes Mrs S hated the rain and so did her almost-original leather shoes cos they’d go squish-squash as she walked particularly after a downpour and they seemed to say ‘squish-squash, rain sucks!’. We on the other-hand loved the rain, we got to put on our rain-coats with matching umbrellas and watch enviously the children on the road who happily danced naked in the rain. Obviously they had nicer parents! As I grew older, I begun to share Mrs S’s hatred for wet weather. Not all rain was bad I sensibly reasoned. I liked the rain that made you wanna be fruitful and multiply. I loved the rain that aided much needed sleep. I loved the rain that made Nepa’s f**k-ups more bearable and somewhere in the heart of Nigeria some 21st century farmers were thankful for every drop as they saw money for their children’s school fees where we only saw water for their crops. But while this kind of rain could be described as mother nature’s tears of joy, there were some forms of rain that could only be described as the gods taking a piss. Rain that made you wanna flip the bird every time thunder did ‘notice me or I kpai’. This kinda rain ruined Gucci shoes, made weave-on done after endless hours waiting and then more hours enduring the pain and having to part with half your wages just to look like a happening Lagos chic start to smell after the first week! This same rain fell a man’s hand making him wish he had prayed over his car that so desperately needed servicing before leaving the house. This rain made men late for dates, had men and women in expensive outfits, pushing cars on Ikorodu road and ruined hours of expert make-up. Why couldn’t the gods announce when their bladders were full? Why would they wait till rush hour before suddenly unleashing torrents of H20 like a 2yr old without bladder control? Not even caring that you were on a bike or waiting on the side of the road for transport or that your umbrella was forgotten at home. Much evil has come from rains such as this. Heavy rain made Mrs A decide to skip weekday service and she caught Mr A on top of Ekaette! If it hadn’t rained so heavily L wouldn’t have been forced to spend the night at K’s place and wouldn’t have had to run for dear life, shoes in hand, panties left behind when K’s girlfriend appeared in the morning with all the ‘were’ only a Waffi girl could pull off! If the rain hadn’t flooded the town, W’s Fendi dress wouldn’t have been drenched in muddy water when a car sped past. I’m not complaining about the rain. Some couples need the rain or the woman’s p would happily seal off with cob-webs. Some people need the rain to dissipate stress, keep them resting indoors a little and prevent money-induced hypertension. How would umbrella sellers or cobblers make their money without rain? Since your shoes are more likely to open mouth during rainy season and has anyone noticed that the umbrellas on sale seem to all have been mass-produced in China a.k.a Aba? I love the rain, it gives me an opportunity to cuddle up under my warm blanket with a good book and a hot cuppa chocolate or better still play mummy and daddy with my bobo. It’s raining right now and I’m wondering if you’ve taken a moment to be grateful to the ultimate Rain maker cos annoying as an unexpected downpour can be, Nigeria without rain would be one more disaster to worry about. Have a lovely wet day peeps….xoxo
Just the gods taking a piss?