Alakoba Love

26 Oct

    Have you ever felt a love you knew was true but were too embarassed to admit it or do something about it? Have you ever fallen for someone but if anyone got wind of your feelings you’d be ruined? Have you ever fallen for an enemy or a rival? Have you ever found yourself secretly longing for a person knowing that knowledge of this would have you lynched by society with those you held dear being the ring leaders? If yes, then this article is for you! Alakoba love is as old as time. Movies have been made about it, many soap operas have made it their Central plot from ‘The Rich Also Cry’ to ‘The Wild Rose’ and ‘The Lady of the Rose’. Yet it continues to haunt its victims each and everyday.

Alakoba love is always associated with great fights! Fights to keep the object of your love or fights to keep your feelings in check and unnoticed! I was watching a film titled ‘Guilty Pleasures’ the other day and watched in amusement as a married woman struggled with feelings for her husband’s younger brother! Ours may not be a case so bizarre as the actress was forced to play out but still many a man or woman has fought these feelings behind closed doors, silently willing them to go away but continually being consumed by desires they cannot deny or ignore and certainly cannot control! People say I’d die for love or I’d fight for love or love conquers all or how can loving someone ever be wrong? Wait till you are the husband who has sworn to love and cherish his wife but can’t get thoughts of his secretary’s firm thighs from his mind or the good friend in love with her friend’s man or the young boy fighting feelings for another boy! Too bizarre for your stomach? Let’s step out of Nollywood and into your living room for a moment. How else would you describe falling for the class geek knowing it was social suicide or actually liking the girl Mama brought from the village after insulting her to your friends? Or falling for your best friend’s ex boyfriend? Or falling for the very person putting your job on the line? Still too much? Ok how bout simply loving your ex over and over despite denouncing him publicly after every f**k up? How bout falling for the school player after openly declaring that you didn’t know what anyone saw in him or just plain falling for someone your friends, family and personal principles would describe as highly inappropriate for you? Now am I speaking your language?

People have been disowned, denounced and destroyed on account of these pesky feelings. Those caught in the act have lost their homes, property, marriages, self-respect, reputations and peace of mind as well as being the hottest topic of discussion for days on end but why didn’t they curb the feelings? Why did they let them get out of hand? Couldn’t they see it would be their downfall? I ask myself as one who has been a victim of alakoba love, falling into the hands of a person I deemed inappropriate yet loving passionately and reaping only heartbreak and ridicule after the dust was settled that could it have been avoided? Is it a rule that all alakoba loves must end in disaster? ———————————————–

Let’s now tackle the issues associated with this confusion of emotions;

1) What exactly is it you feel? Love usually begins with a heightened awareness of the other person. It is said that indifference is worse than hate for hate in itself is a passion easily transformed. Many hearts have been stirred into loving a character once despised because the lips would not stop talking about the person. Believe me if you spend the whole day insulting a fella or babe or just generally discussing them, gossip included, your brain’s computer is gonna save him under Favorites in the folder for Most Frequently Visited Sites, now the problem with that folder is that it’s original purpose was as a database for loved ones and warm fuzzy feelings but this person becomes a virus corrupting your system and soon the verse in Proverbs that says ‘Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh’ becomes your story as the brain bows to the heart’s overriding operating system and soon your words and thought processes begin to bypass your rationally thinking brain. Hence there’s a direct flow from mouth to heart. That’s why sometimes your friends can listen to you talk about someone as general gist and then after a while those same friends ask you after the same conversation if you are perhaps having a different feeling for the person? You are often outraged but then shocked when you realise it is happening and your friends saw your heart’s blueprint in your words! Na alakoba love I tell you. Love can be twisted sometimes and the very fact that the love you feel is unconventional and would be frowned at, may be the fuel for the love burning in your heart! Humans have a tendency to rebel when norms have been followed for a while. An attempt at declaring independence from conventional thought, a purpose driven kiss-my-ass move, a need to ascertain one’s rights or just a cry for attention may serve as a catalyst for the series of events leading to this form of love. So you must ask yourself why did this happen? Love is a choice despite the lack of control we seem to have in the matter. Could there be something else wrong? A need for self-expression perhaps or a need to have all eyes on you or could it just be a desperate attempt to fill a void that has been left unfilled by those that would have been your first choice? Alakoba love is associated with a lot of excitement. The cloak and dagger theme leaving you weak in the knees, breathless, high and ‘almost’ ready to damn all consequences. Almost for many because often times alakoba love is exposed rather than revealed. It’s victims caught rather than introduced. A verse in proverbs says bread eaten in secret is sweet, the sweetness of AL (alakoba love) is one in town, only comparable to the greatest orgasm well till you realise the orgasm just got you herpes! In general, we must remember that ‘E no be jazz!’ For you to fall for someone you never thought possible, the following most likely happen; – The person must be constantly in your immediate environment to reinforce visual stimulation – The person must have something striking about him/her whether negative or positive that keeps the person’s name or escapades in your everyday conversation. – There must be a flash or millisecond twinkling of an eye, minute amount of attraction. One that was possibly unperceived by your limbic system.

2) How to tackle AL I’m gonna outline quickly 20 ways to tackle Alakoba love, some helpful, some just ideas 😉 -Tell someone and be accountable to that person till the feeling passes

-Leave town -Commit suicide 😉

-Delete and block the person from your bb, yahoo messenger, twitter and facebook

-Stop eating the person’s food (may be jazz) 😉

-Sack the employee

-Stop talking about the person! Consciously let the person’s name be forbidden from your lips

-Delete the person’s phone numbers and text messages

-Play loud rock music every time you can’t get the person out of your mind

-Go for deliverance

-Learn a new language

-Quit school

-Check into Yaba Left for the duration that the person has left on earth (You can reduce your time there by sending him/her an envelope bomb) 😉

-Dont pick the person’s calls even if all you wanna say is ‘Stop calling me!’ Actions speak louder.

-Join the army

-Go to Bible school

-Get circumcized or re-circumcized, the pain will distract from the love

-Lock yourself in a room and swallow the only key

-Castrate yourself, you can sew it back later when you no longer feel love for that person!

-Write ten things you hate about that person and attach it to the wall beside your bed so you see it first thing when you wake up and last thing before you sleep.

And if all else fails, take the person’s picture to Cele and let a prophet drown the love in Holy Water and lose the chains 😉

Sometimes Alakoba love can lead to something real, valuable and long-lasting. Sometimes it could be real love born of adversity but the truth is these instances are rare and far-between. If you are stuck in the throes of Alakoba love, before you start casting and binding, carefully analyze the relationship. If someone you love is gonna get hurt in the process then by all means resume the casting and binding in full force! Remember that our people say don’t smell what you cannot eat! May Alakoba love not find us today oh. Amin 🙂

Have a great day peeps…xoxo


Posted by on October 26, 2010 in Relationships


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Alakoba Love

  1. luyi

    October 26, 2010 at 8:04 am

    U should tell yo own AL story. I’m gratefull for d suggestions

  2. Tolu

    October 26, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    this is funny as heck…. tell us your alakoba love story now.


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