The Mumu Complex

20 Oct

      Have you ever wondered why bad girls get married and you’re stuck buying aso-ebi?
Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to have a successful relationship while girls who have innumerable vices are getting engaged right before your very eyes?
Have you wondered like everyone else why bad girls get the good husbands and seemingly good girls get no husband or the very worst that’s out there?
Are you tired of breakups and starting to doubt your ability to pick a good man?
Are you wondering what it takes to get a husband nowadays?
If all these are questions you’ve asked yourself and others recently then this article is for you.
Someone needs to tell you the great secret that mothers have been trying to pass to their 21st century daughters for decades. Now it’s time to listen up, I’m gonna present facts to you in a way that is destined to change your life.
Hey fabulous, independent divas all over the world, I present the theory that will change your world and get you the ring, the man, the wedding of your dreams and get your mother off your back, I present to you; ‘The MUMU complex’
What is the MUMU complex?
First of all let’s look at the meaning of the word ‘MUMU’
MUMU is a yoruba word which means a stupid person and has fast become part of naija’s colloqual english. Now you’re wondering why with your first class degree and honors anyone would expect you to act like a mumu but haven’t you heard that in Rome act like the Romans? When the Bible said in Ephesians 5:22 to submit to your husband, you thought it was child’s play. Now I can read your minds, when we get the husband then we’ll submit but submission is a learned process and it starts now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking away your power, not in the least but to get a man, you have to treat him like a man and it all starts with that word submission. Now it isnt such a terrible word cos if you look at the virtuous woman in proverbs 31, she seemed very much in control of her house and if u give her a kick-ass job and some prada, I’m sure a lot of us could picture us being her after we’re married but how did she become captain of her ship? She had to calm down. She had to be anything but haughty& controlling cos if she’d told her would be husband, ‘hey dude, I’m gonna take over the running of your household and all you’ll be pretty much good for is to sit at the gates every now and then but don’t worry you’ll be honored for catching a broad like me cos I’m doing you one huge favor’. She would have ended up very single and having to put up with the proverbs 7 adulterous woman rather than live with her parents all her life or in a lonely apartment. Now before you get all defensive or exit this blog, tell me something. Aren’t u tired of being the bridesmaid? Of watching skanky whores get husbands while you sit pretty in your Gucci dreading going back to your cold bed and old stuffed teddybear? Enough is enough. This article isn’t for everyone, it’s for the woman who’s had enough and is desperate for something new. So if that woman’s you or you know someone who needs to hear this, then let’s go…

Pride goeth before and after ‘the fall!’
Okay so you fall in love, big deal, everyone does that at some point. This isn’t a love manual so love’s gonna be mentioned only when necessary, no need for emphasis. Love’s the salt in the soup, no one wants tasteless food but at the same time no 21st century woman wants to eat a pile of salt. So love without the soup is distasteful. Now pride goes before a fall, that we’ve heard a million times. that probably explains why you first suspect you’re falling for your new man when your calm, cool exterior is dented and you are basically at his mercy. I’m sure you’ve heard your friend’s say ‘where’s your pride?’ when you were going gaga over a new man. They probably even advised you to front small or do small shakara but pride goes down the toilet at the initial stages of ‘the fall’ then you start dating and the feelings flatline, no more peaks of madness and uncontrolled euphoria just a sublime feeling that is regular, almost ordinary and stable to boot. He’s a good man and the ring should be coming anytime soon but then out of the blues a great mishap occurs, totally not your fault and the guy who’d been good for 2 years shows his evil other side and the next thing you know he’s gone with the wind. Wassup with that? I’ll tell u wassup! It’s your little buddy called pride. Now pride is a sneaky fella cos we all can recognise him leaving the building after the fall, you’re a mess, tears, icecream, tissue & condolence messages all a blur and you’d do anything to get your life back to the way it was so we can all agree that pride goeth after ‘the fall’ but pride is even worse than that girl you hated in the fifth grade, the one who’d pretend to be your friend but say mean things at your back, pride is far worse. I want you to repeat this; PRIDE IS MY FRENEMY!!! I’m serious. Your sense of pride is one of the driving forces for your success in life. It’s there with you when you get that promotion, when you pop that bottle of champagne, when you wanna give up, sounds like a good friend ay? Then why does the bible speak so vehemently about pride? That’s cos God sees pride for who she really is, a selfish, temperamental frenemy. Before you start defending her and remembering with a smile how many times you’ve glowed when you said ‘i’m proud of myself’ or heard someone say ‘i’m proud of you’ see just how she turned your man against you and then fled the building. So i’ve declared and might I add explained how pride goeth before and after ‘the fall’ now notice that pride seemed very silent during the course of ‘the fall’ and why is that? She was up to no good! Remember all those times when you had to be right? All those times when you just had to put your man in his place. All those times when you had the last word or he would be starting a new argument. All those times when you were too busy to cater to him. All those times you felt you had to put him in his place. All those times you got irritated and cut him down to size…a really really small size…now do you blame him for getting fed up? there’s only so much a man can take and every man has it in him to piss you off beyond words. They’re from mars remember? Venus is such a nice place…Lol. Now what’s the difference between you and our mumu friend? She was more patient, less graphic and spoke less. Even the girl with mood swings who every one hates to be around got married last month. Well when her man acts up she locks herself in her room or bursts into uncontrollable tears, horrible. You couldn’t imagine being so immature or showing such weakness in the face of adversity but remember that men haven’t really changed over the centuries, they didn’t have women’s lib come change the way they react to things so a woman who acts weak and even like a baby touches their heart more than a woman on the war-path. What if your man descended from the line of men who got beaten by Joan of arc or the amazon warriors, all he’ll see when you fight him is a big breasted man and after a while he starts to feel like he’s dating a man and you know how homophobic the average man is. Now can you see where pride went to? The mumu complex could save you from those numerous quarrels cos truthfully, they can all be avoided.
I’m not saying your man isn’t gonna get on your very last nerve but before you start reading him his long list of offences and telling him he has a right to remain silent and everything that He says WILL be used against him in YOUR court pause for a moment and reason that men love their freedom, he gave up his to be tied down with you in a relationship because you gave him a piece of heaven and calm from the storms around him, if you turn out to be a storm that never stills then he’ll be soon enough on his way again! This is not to say you can’t point out to him when he does you wrong but let love and not justice guide you, make him feel respected and appreciated! Unlike women who are most times solely driven by emotion and would stay with a man with numerous faults as long as they felt loved, a man may leave a woman who doesn’t respect him even if she claims to love him with all her heart. Don’t kill his ego! A man doesn’t joke with two things, his cock and his balls. Killing his ego is like a constant kick in the balls and ask any man after a few kicks all their mind is thinking is escape!!! Problem with we 21st century divas is we don’t know when to draw the line, many times we think we are helping our men and handing out generous advice or assissting their ambitions or pushing them towards their goal but all they perceive is a nagging, disatisfied, judgemental woman whom they can’t please, who thinks every man richer than them is better than them and who gives them a kick in the balls every time she steps down from her throne to help them! Now if you were a man, would you marry you? Communication is important! If you realise that everytime you offer help or advice your man takes it the wrong way then you have to go back to the drawing board cos chances are there’s something wrong with your manner of approach! I’ll end this piece by saying a gentle answer turneth away wrath! Two wrongs don’t make a right and as a couple you are on the same team so when having a disagreement, it’s not who’s right but what is right that matters. Afterall if a wrestler beats up his partner in the ring, he doesn’t win the title. It’s his opponent he must defeat. It’s not you versus him but both of you against the world! Have a great day! Xoxo

Big ups to my friend A, we dreamed up the beginnings of the mumu complex while enjoying a great night of girly gist!!!


Posted by on October 20, 2010 in Hall of Fame, Manology, Relationships


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

12 responses to “The Mumu Complex

  1. Purple Knight

    October 20, 2010 at 7:28 am

    Nice write-up!
    But don’t you think the mumu complex will get you only one type of man? . . . One that is afraid of his own shadow, talks in a whisper and naturally would only gravitate towards a woman who offers little or no drama. . . I don’t want a docile life-long partner. . . but I don’t want a maniac either. . . Where do you draw the line?

    • nitarules

      October 20, 2010 at 7:38 am

      Thanks for the comment J, thankfully the rule isn’t a rule without exceptions so as long as there are men like you out there, the average 21st century diva too stuck in her ways to abandon drama will still have her happily ever after! 😉

  2. missie

    October 20, 2010 at 10:02 am

    I ABSOLUTELY loved dis piece!!!
    This is a must read for every woman. Let’s not allow pride stand in the way of progress and happiness

  3. luyi

    October 20, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Imagine a world where all d spinsters were MUMU. Yes men hav major ego issues n ladies hav their pride, so its findin d balance dats d task. I’l use myself as example, I’m 26(but older than d author) I’m datin a 22yr old who is very opinionated n actually yells at me when I deserve it. At d same time she seeks my opinion in jst abt evrything. Sometimes I’m her mumu but d line is clear, I’m d man, d head; and she realises dat.
    Its possible for d lady for d lady to live lik Miss Independent and submit to her man as well. Its also possible for d man to boss d house and be her baby as well.

  4. luyi

    October 20, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    Imagine a world where all spinsters were mumu. I thin a couple wil hav to find a balance between submission, ego n equality. Let me use my self as example, I’m 26(older than d author) datin a 22yr old. She’s very opinionated and yells at me when I deserve it. Dis same girl seeks my opinion in evrythin n doesnt disturb my football. I seek her counsel on many issues n take her seriously.
    Its very possible for d woman to be miss independent n yet submit while d man bosses d home n yet behaves like her baby. Women if u wanna marry b4 30, serve yo guy b humble, doesn’t stop u from achievin yo goals. Guys listen to better half

  5. Shemo

    October 21, 2010 at 3:10 am

    “… but let love guide you and not justice.”
    I love this part.

    When you submit as a woman b4 marriage, you indirectly challange your man to lay down his life for you if he loves you. Cos dats you carrying out ur duty and it is very enjoyable when he begins to lay down his life for you, his wife. If you think submitting is too much, what must you then think of laying down your life for anoda?
    Note laying down his life includes a higher definition and call to submission. He has to wear d bigger pants!
    You could have drama, “but let love guide you”.

    Remember,he who loves never loses.

  6. chachaij

    October 21, 2010 at 5:34 am

    Nice one!

  7. barbie

    October 21, 2010 at 9:39 pm

    Seriously dis cracked me up!!! Let’s face it how many women out der r ready to become mumu’s if der not chasing papers or sumone else’s husband. I think ur write wuld pave d way for sum seriously minded”good girls” dat wish to settle down. Anyway I love dis piece big ups

  8. bykerboi

    October 22, 2010 at 7:25 am

    treat a man like a king and he’d place his kingdom at ur feet… Basic!

  9. Tolu

    October 24, 2010 at 8:52 am

    Absolutely loved this piece, style is captivating and engaging, a must read for every aspiring Mrs Fagbola…(Never mind my big head) but really, interesting concept…wud love to hear what 21st century divas hav to say about it though? I mean the independent, beautiful, ready for marriage, too busy for a relationship kinda woman…I wanna hear your thoughts.

  10. uzeeSUB

    August 23, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    interesting piece..lot of dents..but interesting

  11. Onwukwem Joseph

    August 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Anita great piece of work; I must say that this blog is really insightful, and should go a long way to help any woman that wants to learn the true principle that made the virtues women of the old days.
    My grand mum had such an astute view in her marriage that why she remain relevant amongst other women in the village. Once told Anita that she would become my wife; lolz…. Well man that reads these would say- what a smart lady …” Can she become my wife


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