My fears; Making Fear say YES BOSS!!!

19 Oct

     I had many fears as a child living in the big city. My mom says I was afraid of cars& my father’s volvo was my biggest threat. It had a roar akin to the most ferocious beast and everytime I entered the car, kicking and screaming I might add, once defeated and in the belly of the monster I’d go quiet and very still, my mom said the first time I did that she was happy that she could finally have some peace till she turned around and saw the look of terror on my face. She resorted to singing me lullabies in hushed tones everytime I was in the old, green volvo. later on when I was older and the volvo was long sold, I kept having constant nightmares in which I saw myself in the volvo and we had to drive through a murky river whose waters reached past the windows of the car. I always woke up sweating. My mom says it may not be a nightmare, just the remnants of a bad memory. I was also afraid of elevators regrettably. they were supposed to be one of man’s finest inventions but after being stuck in an elevator for 3hours on a fateful day when my friend Simi and I decided to play hide and seek at her house in 1004 and I had a brainwave to go downstairs and hide in the car but NEPA took light and I ended up almost suffocating at the tender age of ten, I absolutely refused to be in an elevator after the incidence and would only enter if it was absolutely necessary and more importantly I had someone to shamelessly grab unto for dear life with my eyes tightly shut. I had to battle feelings of nausea and claustrophobia was borne out of all the unpleasantness and I could blame this scary new phobia for my adamantly refusing to enter uncle Jide’s ratty old volkswagen beetle when I was in primary five though it could have also been because if I waited a little longer I’d get to enter Mr Sunny’s new honda though I’d be punished for coming late to school but no matter cause I had yoruba first period and Mr Sunny’s new car was very shiny. I heard Mr Sunny’s wife grumble that now her husband would be picking up young young girls and I couldn’t help wondering if she was talking about me. What did she have against ten year olds? Her oldest daughter was eleven and I’d be eleven sooner than she knew. Mean faced woman with her hairy, smelly armpits! I am proud to say that as a grown woman of 26, I have all but conquered my fears and though I still run in the opposite direction when I see rats, cats, dogs and some ferocious looking chickens, I can proudly say I am no more afraid of elevators since any one who’s been to my house knows if you don’t take the elevator then 5 flights of stairs await you! Also not afraid of the bug, cute little car, I want… Thankfully the beetle was scrapped! Ok, I take that back, almost scrapped! No more afraid of fire too though I never experimented with cigarettes cos you have to light ’em first! They should make the non-fire brands! All in all I’ve grown up to be a well- grounded female, abandoning one set of phobias and embracing a new set. Now my phobias are rejection and failure. Phobias are like willy willy and madam koinkoin, the fact that you’ve heard so many awful things about them but haven’t experienced them personally is usually the root cause! Fear of the unknown! Na….I prefer to call it fear of the remotely known! Anyway recently my fear of failure was conquered! You wanna know the secret? Easy pizzy! I failed! Yup, the brainy who’d never failed an exam in her life save for yoruba n by the way, that doesn’t count! I thought I’d die but after crying for hours and indulging in self-pity, I realised my lungs still had air in them! As it dawned on me that God hadn’t heeded my childish pleas to end my life, I had an epiphany! I had lived through the ordeal! Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger! I was stronger, my failure still loomed over my head but I was still the boss! I was alive and that meant I could still turn that F into an A even if it meant studying even harder! Mehn when they said doctors never stop reading, na true talk oh! The bible says I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength so be it JAMB, ICAN, ACCA, Primaries or any other exam that has got u staring at an F, remember that if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again! But omo mehn, my 50k just waste like that, God dey!!! Xoxo

1 Comment

Posted by on October 19, 2010 in Me, Myself and I, Memoirs


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One response to “My fears; Making Fear say YES BOSS!!!

  1. luyi

    October 19, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    I thot all chickens looked d same. Failure is defeated iJn


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